Wasted by Marya Hornbacher

Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Riveting memoir with very interesting insights into family, psychology, loneliness, and life in general. Kindle and Goodreads tell me that I highlighted 49 sentences or passages, which should give you an idea of how much I valued this writing. A lot of people are overly focused on the fact that the memoir is about the author's struggle with anorexia, but to me, the part I valued most was the author's honest and brilliantly written struggle with despair, depression, and just life itself. It is a bit lopsided because she discusses her pseudo-recoveries after her first two hospitalizations but not after the third, but perhaps her next memoir, which I plan to read, covers that more.

As I said, I highlighted many sentences in the memoir, but this one is so me, haha: "I was my parents' only child, which is unfortunate because you are their pride and joy and the bane of their existence all at once."

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The Valedictorian of Being Dead by Heather B. Armstrong

The Valedictorian of Being Dead: The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live by Heather B. Armstrong
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

When I started reading this, I didn't remember at first that this was the mom blogger of Dooce fame. I started reading it purely because of the novel mental health treatment. I was also hoping for a little bit of death philosophy, but there was none of that here. The memoir was very interesting, but a little repetitive, and not at all literary. I know she's written other books, and I would love to read a memoir from her in the future that is more inclusive of her entire life story, including an abridged form of the part of her story in this book. She's extremely interesting and has been through a lot in her life, but I would also like her to have some deep thoughts about what these major life events have meant: leaving her church, the growth of her blog, separating from her husband, the decline of her blog, getting experimental treatment for depression, facing the idea of death.

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One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book is amazing but often excruciating to read, especially at the beginning when it’s slow, and the end when it has become clear what is going to happen. Also it hasn’t aged well and the misogyny and racism feel brutal.

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VALIS by Philip K. Dick

VALIS by Philip K. Dick
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The main characters in this book are Philip K. Dick in the first person and his alter-ego Horselover Far in the third person. At first, the play with this split perspective was the thing that interested me most. Then I was interested in his messy but informed religious banter. Then the narrative became more engrossed in Horselover Fat's mental illness... and finally... out of nowhere, the whole book became a science fiction book. Deeply weird.

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How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan

How to Change Your Mind: The New Science of Psychedelics by Michael Pollan
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Really interesting book. Though it's central theme is psychedelics, it's topic is really consciousness, the experience of being, the fear of death, willpower, and mental illness. The book was well-written as Pollan never disappoints. I definitely found new information and the book definitely challenged some of my assumptions about the world.

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Turtles All the Way Down by John Green

Turtles All the Way Down by John Green
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I liked the narrative of the mentally ill main character Aza and her relationship and interaction with her best friend Daisy. The plotline with her friend and love interest Davis seemed silly, but I'm sure it adds a lot of interest for younger readers.

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Heart Berries: A Memoir by Terese Marie Mailhot

Heart Berries: A Memoir by Terese Marie Mailhot
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is hard and heavy and ... joyless? I like the writing, it feels fresh and straightforward, different than other memoirs. But the lack of chronology made it difficult for me to understand who was who and who did what.

The afterword is a question and answer session and is especially interesting because Mailhot's voice is a little different, possibly its a transcript of her speaking instead of writing?

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NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman

NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is fundamentally a history book about autism and Aspergers and how it's been handled through time. There is also a lot about how adults on the spectrum have done well in their adult lives and lobbied on their own behalfs and on the behalf of children going through what they did. There were some particularly moving and terrifying parts- particularly the section on the holocaust. I feel like the book was helpful to understanding certain issues about disabilities in general and not just the autism spectrum specifically.

There is very little science, unfortunately. The title suggested to me that there would be at least some substantial section on neurobiology.

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Gorilla and the Bird by Zack McDermott

Gorilla and the Bird: A Memoir of Madness and a Mother's Love by Zack McDermott
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In the text:
The memoir is very well written. McDermott has a clear talent for language and is exceptionally smart. His personal story about mental illness is very interesting. He conveys his personal experiences in a very raw and emotional manner. It's riveting throughout.

During the period of the memoir, he's an attorney and a public defender. The things he writes about the legal system are extremely important and well-expressed. I'm not sure what the solution is outside of legislation and better mental health facilities, and Congress is currently under siege by a party that does not care about these issues. He's no longer practicing.

The way he writes about his mother and other important people in his life is very touching. It's definitely a love story too. It's just a very good memoir.

Outside the text:
I know the author from law school in Virginia. I also know other people with bipolar disorder, who when they are not in the midst of a full-blown episode, are really nice people. In law school, he regularly went out of his way to be rude to me when presumably he was not in the midst of an episode. The harassment came in the form of emails to our entire section, yelling at me in the school, and destruction of my property. Additionally, he definitely had some serious breakdowns in law school before the NYC subway incident that he's left out of the story. While the author gives the impression of being very honest in the memoir, the omission of the law school breakdowns makes me wonder what else he is leaving out to conceal his character.

I can relate to a lot of what he writes. When we were growing up money was definitely an issue. I lived with my grandparents for several years, and when I lived with my parents we ate a lot of pasta with nothing on it because it was cheap. In my case, no one in my family owned a house, but I was fortunate in that my parents rented in a good school system. In my case, it was my stepdad who was my "Bird." He has since passed away.

Working hard at school and ultimately going to law school was supposed to be the way out. I also thought that (at least eventually) I'd find a way to really help people and do something meaningful with my degree. I also went to work as an attorney in New York City after law school, and it was extremely stressful. Many of my coworkers and I were at a minimum borderline depressed, and some sought out treatment and medication. Life knocked me down repeatedly too and it's a struggle I can relate to in general if not in the particulars. Reading the memoir makes me sadder that this person and I had really negative interactions.

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Labor Day by Joyce Maynard

Labor Day by Joyce Maynard
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is a super weird coming of age story. Or is it a romance? A story about the crippling effects of personal trauma and mental illness? A story about the injustice of the criminal system? Yes, all that stuff.

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Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values by Robert M. Pirsig
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Ever want to experience the mental illness/breakdown of a philosopher? Also need a few motorcycle maintenance tips? This is the book for you. Some talk about mindfulness and zen as well but not the main topic in my opinion.

Spoiler alert. My hard copy is an original copy. My digital loan from the library had a 10-year anniversary edition Afterword that totally devastated me.

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The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The writing is beautiful. You can feel the claustrophobia of her depression. You can experience her frustration with the effort of life and her frustration with chauvinism. The biographical notes indicate it's loosely based on her real experiences during college.

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Brain on Fire by Susannah Cahalan

Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was interesting. I've read books before from the perspective of people effected by ailments but this was a little different because the way in which her personality was changed was such a big part of the story.

Additionally, the author is a reporter. I've read this type of memoir by doctors/scientists before (My Stroke of Insight, Psychopath Inside, When Breath Becomes Air) but it was distinctly different because the author didn't fully understand the medicine behind her diagnosis at the time. However, she throughly researched both the ailment and whether her memories, perceptions, and even the memories of her "witnesses" were accurate. This is sadly remarkable in this day and age. She proves to be a real journalist with integrity in the process.

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The Language of Goldfish by Zibby Oneal

The Language of Goldfish by Zibby Oneal
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is one of the few books I remember from reading when I was 11. Even though I can't clearly recall details of the book, I remember the mental illness theme, and I remember being very engaged by the main character in the book and how she experiences the world. Possibly I have a clearer memory of it because I reread it as I got older as well.

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Shockaholic by Carrie Fisher

Shockaholic by Carrie Fisher
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is Fisher’s second memoir. I also read her first one, Wishful Drinking, which is more of a conventional memoir so I recommend reading that one first. This one is more of a series of super interesting anecdotes. Nonetheless, I like this one better than the first.

Wow, Ted Kennedy sounds like a huge misogynist asshole in Fisher’s account of meeting him. Despite being a liberal myself, I’ve always suspected the worst of him, so it’s easy to just trust Fisher’s account.

The Michael Jackson account is also fascinating but maybe less reliable because she makes a lot of assumptions about him.

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