The Disappearance of Childhood by Neil Postman

The Disappearance of Childhood by Neil Postman
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I was interested in this book mainly because of the title. I thought it would be a sociological exploration of the concept of childhood and how it's changed. The first half of this short book was mostly that but then it was mostly about television dumbing down the world. In part, due to its short length, it wasn't enough of an exploration of anything. It was an okay read though.

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The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart

The Brave Learner: Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life by Julie Bogart
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

It had some good ideas and some good frames for thinking about motivating kids. But it felt a bit fluffy and a little disorganized/repetitive. I preferred some of the parenting advice over the actual homeschool advice though I was reading it to learn more about homeschooling (through Covid).

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Multipliers by Liz Wiseman

Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Surprisingly good for a business book. Really changed the way I see the management and inspiration of people. It seems to have applications outside the business world- I'm about to try it on my kids this summer and will report back.

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UnSelfie by Michele Borba

UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I appreciate the general concept of a parenting book about teaching children empathy. Empathy is definitely one of the fundamental values in our home. My only complaints were that 1) I don't like the entire concept of discussing it in terms of giving your children some advantage in the marketplace. Admittedly the author didn't spend too much time on this so I suspect it was an editorial marketing suggestion? Complaint 2) The chapter attacking millennials. I'm Generation X but I know more Boomer narcissists than Millennial narcissists. Literally the whole point of those "participation trophies" were to not hurt kids' feelings. Teachers that taught my generation (Boomers and Silent Generation) were known for joining the bullies in their teasing. Not to mention the whole destroying the environment for future generations thing.

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Fight like a Mother by Shannon Watts

Fight like a Mother: How a Grassroots Movement Took on the Gun Lobby and Why Women Will Change the World by Shannon Watts
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

More than a book about gun policy! It's a book about activism, feminism, intersectionality, and generally making the world a better place. Strongly recommend this book!

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Reviving Ophelia 25th Anniversary Edition by Mary Pipher

Reviving Ophelia 25th Anniversary Edition: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I read the 2019 anniversary edition and I imagine it's a lot better than the original because it could compare and contrast the problems of young girls in different decades: the 1990s (when I was a teen) and the early 2000s. Though I thought the book was interesting, it was made up predominantly of personal stories and seemed to lack more rigorous science. For example, I never understood precisely what about the culture made girls in the 1990s such a mess that somehow lost its influence in the early 2000s.

Occasionally, the author writes something that makes her seem like a space alien that didn't have anyone proofread the book like for example when she suggested you should never have more than two drinks in a day. Parties?

I thought chapter 13 had some of the most useful information in terms of sparking conversation with children about sexual activity. I also enjoyed the heavy Nebraska focus.

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Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do by Eve Rodsky
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This book is only for two-parent homes struggling to find a balance in at-home responsibilities. There were a lot of things it left unaddressed- such as workaholic spouses, or as numerous reviews stated, any kind of lower-class home (where for example maybe one person works a night shift). If you want it only for that very limited area, it's helpful.

I happen to have a husband who is not only doing a fair amount but might also be doing an equal amount (or more?). But one thing I've noticed in my friends' relationships-- that this book addresses (though perhaps not clearly enough) is that many mothers take on a bunch of tasks that are actually not at all important to their husbands. I think the reason I notice this so much is because I'm not the type of mother who feels like we need to craft for every holiday or decorate to excess or aggressively participate in my children's homework etc. I have "husband standards" for many things. So when I see a friend who is a mother sign each of her kid up for three activities and then bemoan that her husband won't help with all of them- I silently agree with the husband. Her standard is just too high in my opinion. That's why I think the most valuable part of this book is the part where she makes couples agree on their values and what tasks need to get done before they apportion those tasks. The more tasks you can just completely take off the list so that neither person has to do them, the better, in my opinion.

I've been recommending this book to people I know might benefit from it.

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The Invention of Childhood by Hugh Cunningham

The Invention of Childhood by Hugh Cunningham
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is specifically a history of childhood in Great Britain. It's interesting but not as interesting as a larger examination of childhood throughout the world and throughout history. You can't draw any specific or scientific conclusions from the book. It serves more as entertainment than a book to clarify your thinking on the topic of childhood. I also thought the writer was a little overly-casual about the instances of child sexual abuse he covered.

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Small Animals by Kim Brooks

Small Animals: Parenthood in the Age of Fear by Kim Brooks
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Even though there is a large memoir aspect to this book, I think it's an extremely important nonfiction book about the current state of parenting in America. It's important from a sociological, psychological, and also legal perspective. As an attorney and as an American, I'm horrified that people are being charged with laws that the legislature has specifically failed to pass, and that selective enforcement perpetuates all of the worst biases in society: racism, sexism, and the still-unnamed poverty injustice.

As a person who believes in and appreciates science, I am persuaded by her argument about the difference between perceived dangers and real statistically verifiable dangers.

As a mom, I'm exhausted, anxious, and often confused. I just moved to Nebraska from the East Coast, and most of the children here appear to free-range. I'm not comfortable to let the children wander as much as my neighbors do, and I'm also aware that their children are better prepared to be free-range because they've already been at it for a while now. The kids seem really self-possessed. The other parent's freedom seems amazing and I'm super jealous. I'm just going to wait a little longer before I start testing the limits around here. In the meanwhile, it would be nice if there were a real national dialogue about these parenting issues.

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Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein

Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book isn't perfect, but I'm a big believer in "don't let perfect be the enemy of the good." I think this is a useful tool for thinking about how to talk to your children- both daughters and sons- about sex.

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Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein

Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Frontlines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture by Peggy Orenstein
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Interesting look at how marketing is affecting very young girls and how recent these developments have been. My daughter is 4 and she's obsessed with pink and princesses. We didn't have any idea where it was coming from. My favorite color as a child was crayon green and I was obsessed with Smurfs and Gummi Bears. My mother actively hated pink as a child. We don't even have television shows with commercials in our home since the kids mostly just watch Netflix. She also always got her brother's hand-me-down toys in addition to some more girly toys her family gave her. I think she just got signals from her toys and other little girls?

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The Vanishing American Adult by Ben Sasse

The Vanishing American Adult: Our Coming-of-Age Crisis—and How to Rebuild a Culture of Self-Reliance by Ben Sasse
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Ben Sasse is a Republican United States Senator from Nebraska since 2015. At first, I thought this was going to be a really interesting read. Throughout the book, I felt myself agreeing with many of the individual sentences that Sasse wrote. He's highly intelligent so these sentences certainly sound good and are true... in a way. For example, I agree with his advice for middle-class young people to expand your view of the world by traveling and reading classics. Though, I think the latter is more important and financially obtainable for most of the population. Note that our current President is very well-traveled but very poorly read and the result is less than ideal. Also, note that this is not a millennial issue but an American-of-all-ages issue.

The problem is that many of Sasse's ideas are actually in contradiction with each other, and more importantly, in contradiction with how he votes in the Senate. He doesn't make an overall argument which is clear or compelling.

For example, Sasse states: “I'm a conservative but not because I care very much about the marginal tax rates of the richest Americans, rather I'm a market-oriented localist because I believe in cultural pluralism and I believe in the First Amendment, in voluntarism over compulsion whenever possible, and in as much decentralized decision-making as is conceivably feasible.” There's a lot in this run-on sentence to unpack. First of all, I'm a liberal and I would say that I think capitalism is better than the alternatives (with regulation), and I believe in cultural pluralism and "I believe in the First Amendment, in voluntarism over compulsion whenever possible, and in as much de-centralized decision-making as is conceivably feasible.” I agree with many of these ideas, in whole or in part, so I don't particularly understand why this set of values makes him conservative.

Let's break it down a little more. He says, "... I believe in cultural pluralism..." what he's really nodding to is state's rights, not "cultural pluralism,” because in Chapter 5 he makes it pretty clear that the only culture he believes in is the historical Puritan work-driven culture. What makes this ethic superior to say, the European ethic of working to survive, but having ample vacation, family, and sick leave. He leaves this unexplained.

Yes, no one likes the entitled younguns' who demand praise and high salaries without earning it and leave work early and write obnoxious emails to superiors. But can we take a minute to discuss the CEOs and bankers who get paid millions even when they fail astronomically, bankrupt their companies, and lose the savings of investors? Can we compare these relative evils?

So let's talk more about the millennials who are having trouble in the current economy and compare them to Sasse's grandma who was an exceptional human being that strapped her baby to a plow” and just dealt with all of life's troubles. Can we just embrace that she's a superior person, and not hold everyone else to her standard? Did everyone else behave like her during the Great Depression and just rise to the challenge? No. Suicide rates averaged 12.1 per 100,000 people in the decade prior to the Depression, jumped to 18.9 the year of Wall Street's crash and remained higher than normal throughout the the Great Depression. (from Historical Statistics of the United States: Bicentennial Edition, Colonial Times to 1970, Vol. 1 (Washington DC: 1975), via https://www.shmoop.com/great-depressi....) So maybe we should celebrate that these millennials are surviving at all, especially when so many of them are getting shot at by automatic weapons of war, and worry less about how much they're spending on iPhones- arguably just doing their part for King Capitalism. (Full disclosure: I paid $35 for my iPhone. I do not regard it as a necessity.)

I agree with Sasse's anti-consumerism, see Chapter 6. Oh boy, do I! The problem is, I don't think he believes these things as they appear to be in contradiction with his voting record. Also, he states he's "market-oriented." It's as if Sasse doesn't understand how conservative deregulation capitalism works or what drives it. It's extremely confusing and he doesn't sound like a conservative at all in this chapter. NOT AT ALL. But we know how he's voting for big corporations in the Senate right? We know he's just feeding us a bunch of nice-sounding sentences right? He just voted "yes" to rolling back some bank regulations put in place by the Dodd-Frank Act (67-31).

Okay, maybe you're thinking that's because he's for "as much de-centralized decision-making as is conceivably feasible.” Um, except, he just voted "Yes," to banning abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy. As anyone who has read about these abortions knows, these abortions are extremely difficult to obtain and expensive- often requiring upfront payments that may not be reimbursed by insurance- and as such almost always involve a problem that developed later in pregnancy and risk the life of the mother.

So to be clear, banks should not be well-regulated by the federal government even though they have the power to destroy the entire economy. But the potential life-and-death medical care of an individual pregnant woman should be regulated by the federal government. Personally, I don't think he makes a lot of sincere, persuasive, nuanced, or -let's just say it- "adult" arguments.

See his voting record here:
https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/...
https://ballotpedia.org/Ben_Sasse

P.S. I'm moving to Nebraska this summer.

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Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes

Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Very funny at times, interesting, and even a little inspiring. Probably more interesting if you've seen Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. I've only watched a season of Scandal, but maybe I'll go back and binge watch Grey's Anatomy. (I also never watched ER, House, Scrubs, or any of the doctor shows except Doogie Howser, and that was a really long time ago!)

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Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton

Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Doyle Melton
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

More of a collection of essays on accepting yourself and others rather than an actual memoir, though we do learn a lot about the author in her essays. The essays are inspiring and she has some very good points about parenting and religion.

From a memoir aspect, we get an incomplete view of who the people in her life story are. To some extent, we learn about the author herself, but most of the other people are presented as somewhat flat. How am I to resolve who her husband is for example? He models and cheats on Glennon for years without confessing but also agrees to give all their money away to charities twice in their marriage. I just have no sense of who this person is or why he does the things he does. Same for "Sister" and her parents. She wrote a sequel and I think I heard it fills in these blanks more, so I look forward to reading that.

Overall, I agree that her bravery in honesty is probably helping a lot of people.

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Beyond the Sling by Mayim Bialik

Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way by Mayim Bialik
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I like Mayim Bialik so I really wanted to like this book. I believe in some of the attachment principals, though my kids sleep in their own beds in their own rooms, they seem mostly content with it. When my kids were babies, I did pretty much take the approach that "their wants are their needs" and they're developing well now.

But there were some serious problems with this book. Most notably, she casually mentioned she decided not to vaccinate her children. This is a problem. Unlike most other parenting decisions vaccination is not a decision that affects just you and your family, it's a societal issue because many vaccines work through herd immunity, especially for the immune-compromised children. So for example, her unvaccinated children could infect a child with cancer that isn't able to get the vaccines while fighting cancer. Also, she is a scientist, so we have to assume she based this on some relevant information the rest of us somehow missed? Way to implant doubt without actually providing something to back it up. As it happens, I looked into an entire class about vaccines when I had kids, with a lot of the relevant research and studies provided. It made clear to me the need for vaccinating and vaccinating according to the doctor-specified schedule.

Also, elimination communication sounds totally unnecessary. Potty training is not a huge deal that you need to suffer for years over it.

Finally, we see a little bit of how she viewed her marriage at the time the book was written and it did seem reasonable healthy based on her description, but then they got divorced the same year this book came out. Obviously, a lot of people treat divorce as private, but when you're writing a parenting book/ memoir it does seem especially relevant. Were there other things going on that she didn't share? Or did the marriage end specifically because of differences or problems arising from attachment parenting?



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Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh

Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Talks a lot about the interconnectedness of humans? For this reason, we should prevent suffering in the world...

I guess this is an alternate argument to the Christians' fundamental sanctity of human life as a reason for human rights.



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Human Acts by Han Kang

Human Acts by Han Kang
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is heavy. It doesn't sneak up on you as the novel opens on a room full of corpses, but it does grow steadily more emotional.

This is a reminder to people who grow lazy and ignorant in comfortable democracies what the loss of democracy is really like. The right to peaceably assemble- protesting- is a right in free countries because when it is not, nothing else is free.

But this novel is also a general condemnation of humanity, and it stings.

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The Association of Small Bombs by Karan Mahajan

The Association of Small Bombs by Karan Mahajan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This novel is about terrorism in India, both the victims and the terrorists themselves and their relationships. The novel is brilliantly written and the author is apparently a hardcore literary genius. The author's descriptions of grief are moving and real.

My only issue is that there's a little shark-jumping at the end that I suppose is actually a metaphor? I hope it is, but it still put a damper on the overall experience for me.

I strongly recommend this book to people who love literary fiction or who have an interest in terrorism.

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Grit by Angela Duckworth

Grit: Passion, Perseverance, and the Science of Success by Angela Duckworth
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Understanding this author's points requires some subtlety of thought that, reading some of the reviews, some people seem to miss. Duckworth defines grit numerous ways but it's basically an ability to do difficult things and to try again after failing. Grit is a very important factor in both success and happiness. Grit can be learned and practiced.

What this book does not say is that everyone has equal access to grit. She specifically says that in studies of mice that were shocked without any control over their own suffering could not function as well in other tasks as mice that had some control over their suffering. The mice became victims of learned helplessness. The problem here is that unlike the sections about grittiness, there were no real life examples of human beings suffering these conditions (though arguably there was an example of one person overcoming this condition with a lot of help from other people). There is some discussion of income inequality, particularly with regards to a lack of extra-curricular programs that teach grit in poor schools, but there wasn't any kind of exploration of institutionalized racism, sexism, and poverty- oftentimes working in conjunction to "shock" human beings repeatedly through years and decades of their life without any control over these shocks.

Obviously, this isn't Duckworth's area of expertise, and she only cites the mice studies to add fullness to her exploration of grit. The reason for concern though is that her grit philosophy is very closely adjacent to the pull-yourself-up-by bootstrap mentality that excuses the persistence of income inequality, racism, and sexism because these are "not the most important reasons" for the failure of particular people or societies to thrive.

Other people doubt Duckworth's arguments because they perceive talent to be of crucial importance in success in various physical and creative fields. I find this line of thinking to be less interesting or important because it's difficult to know how much hard work (and "grit") others have invested in particular endeavors. With the exception of certain child prodigies, age isn't a good proxy for hours of focused growth practice. (And there are plenty of child prodigies that don't accomplish anything beyond what average adults later accomplish.) Except in physical endeavors where a particular body type is necessary, I do tend to believe that the highest levels of "talent" can be learned. But for that talent to be learned your main focus in life probably needs to be that one thing, and you need other people support your single-minded focus, oftentimes by literally monetarily supporting you. (Or loaning you money, or paying you at such a high rate that you can take a long leave from paying work, and sometimes by your spouse doing all the housework.)

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Tenth of December by George Saunders

Tenth of December by George Saunders
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This short story collection is so amazing, there are no words for how great it is. Three of the stories made me cry, and not out of sadness, but because of how beautiful they were. Saunders is funny, inspiring, and turns pure goodness into stories. What a gift to read a book like this.

My favorites were: "Victory Lap," "Puppy," "Escape from Spiderhead," "My Chivalric Disaster," and "Tenth of December." Also really like "Exhortation." "Sticks" is cool in a weird artsy way.

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